It's 1.37am now and I can't get to sleep, I just can't stop thinking and reflection on these past 2 months an whether I made the right decision back then and even now. I know I'm rather mean but im sure you would rather hear my true feelings and so I didn't hold stuff back. It's really regretful that I was being really harsh just now but that was the only way I could to relieve the pain I might have caused on you. Also, I acted as if I didn't care but I really do and I hope you wont be too affected by this. I'm really worried for you and I hope that you'll stay strong this 2 months. And it really hurts me when I realise that you're hurt. :( nevertheless, i feel much better after letting everything out. I've kept these feelings for a rather long period of time and even wanted to keep it till after  a levels.. 

I finally understood what my cousin meant years back when she decoded to break up with her ex. Sometimes, it's really though being on the receiving end and it sucks to have this pressurizing feeling of having to do as much as him and to love as much as he does. 

I really hope I can get over my past completely so that I can be fair to him and myself and also to give him all I've got.

I'm hurting so badly right now :(